30. The End but Not The End

My flight was at 14.00 P.M., at 08.00 I was already at my favorite bar with my luggage. It was not much, a small luggage and a hand carry. I had given most of my stuffs away, things can be bought, and memories are ones irreplaceable.

I was in the middle of my breakfast when David joined me.  He ordered omelete and bacon. The bar was looking out to the sea, we ate half our meals in silent, just absorbing the beautiful aura around us.

“so...” i said when the waiter took my plate.

“so...” he said, still busy with his meal.

“I’m leaving today”

“I know...”

“Won’t see you anymore...”

“Uh huh...”

I gave up, he told me too meet up with him before my flight, I thought there was something important, but he was indifferent.

I light up a cigarette from a pack i bought the other night and smoked while i waited for him to finish his meal.

“Patience bellaa...” he wiped his mouth after his last bite, at last. “is golden.”

“Did you make me wake up this early just to say that?” i said sarcastically.

He laughed his dry crispy laugh. “some part of people just don’t change, do they” he smile into my eyes. 

“Well at least you smile more often now...”

“You are more than half of the reason”

For a short while he just looked at me and smile. Then he took his precious box of candy, opened it, looked at it for a while, picked one and gestured me to open my hand.

He reached my opened palm with his fist, rested his fist on it and opened it slowly. “I choose this for you today.” He said slowly.

I saw what he had placed on my palm, it was a black colored candy. I looked at him, he nodded. I put the candy in my mouth. It had no taste, it was bland. I felt the glassy surface on my tongue, but no flavor. I raised my eyebrow at him, demanding an explanation.

“Think of your favorite moments.” He instructed.

All this time I’ve learned not to argue nor to question what David tells me, so I closed my eyes and started reminiscing the moments that were important to me. The look on my mother’s face when I entered high school, her face when she didn’t lose her diner. Ramon’s hug when I won the three legged race with him.

That exact time when I first met Daniel, his eyes locking into mind, his hand caressing my cheeks. The night he squeezed my hand and we ran away together.

The first time I tasted that cantaloupe flavored candy, David’s crispy laugh. The mornings I woke up to the thought of trying a new flavor. Mauryn’s hugs and smiles. Ramon’s voice on the phone

I smiled and sucked on the candy and somehow, in a way I could not explain, the candy tasted good, almost heavenly.

“See Bella, an occasion, a situation, a moment in life is bland...” he started, like i knew he would. “you and your feelings, your emotions defines it. You choose it to be a moment of happiness or a moment of sadness. You choose it to be your favorite moment or you least. You decide to concentrate on the positive side of it or the negative. Every moment, every incident in life is like a two sided coin, it has a negative side and a positive side to it. It is up to you which side you decide to focus on.”

“So the candy tasted good because I remembered the moments that made my heart sing?”

“No Bella, the candy is still bland, but you enjoy it nevertheless because you can only think of joy. Same as the situation, it remains still, the same. It does not move to be better nor worse, but in your eyes, your perception, it is how you want it to be.” He smiled.

“The situation, the incidence, it is at zero point, it is the pivot point. It does not move, it stays still.... everything else around it shuffle. It stays clear and non-prejudice, it is just a moment.... YOU” he emphasized on it “makes it what it means to you.”

“You see Bella, the universe gives you that much control that you yourself could choose to be happy or not to be.”

I never would have described myself as a crybaby or a teary person, but it seems lately, since i have met David, i had cried more than i had in my entire life. I felt the silent tear falling on my cheek. I wiped it off and sniffed.

“David, trust you to create a mellow moment.” I said laughing. I hugged him, real tight... he hugged me back. 

“I will miss you, your laugh and your wisdom....” i said, “and your box of candies...”

I let go of him. He shoved me the wooden box.

“I will miss you too Bella. More than you would know.” He winked. “For all you know, i could have been a fraud, but you listened to me anyway and for that, i am grateful.”

I smiled and sniffed.

“This...” he once again shoved the his box of candies into my hand until i grabbed it. “Is my token of appreciation for you.” He says. “I would not start to speculate what influence i have on you, but i certainly can thank you to be a part of my journey of life.”

“I... I can accept this... This means too much for you.” I said

“It doesn’t... not anymore. Now this box means more to you than it would be for me.” He said caressing my hair. “Use it wisely... share it, keep it to yourself, whatever you do, just remember the times we had and the things we learned.”

I couldn’t say no anymore, tears were rolling down my cheeks again and i wiped it as fast as it came but i wasn’t fast enough. David hugged me until i calmed down. When i did, i gave him a peck on the cheek and whispered “thank you”

***

29

The night before my depature, I had beers with David and Mauryn and sure enough they hit it of well. David and Mauryn both have similar views about life and souls. And I guess if anyone was to say how auras click... this was one of that instances.

We drank and talked and laughed all night. There were tears, Mauryn hugging me telling me not to leave just yet. And the next moment she was already making plans to come visit me at my home town.

David just sat there drinking his beer and making jokes all the time. I caught him looking at me with watchful eyes a couple of times. Once when Mauryn was in the toilet I asked him why he kept looking at me that way.

“Bella, remember once I told u how beautiful ur smile is? That time you were careful about it.. and tonight you can’t stop smiling and you are glowing and I just can’t stop staring at that beauty.”

I felt my face hotter. His eyes staring into mine was soft, caring, fatherly like. I realized that this past month, David had been the father figure i had always needed, the father i never had.

My eyes got misty, before a tear could drop, i wiped it off. David carresed my hair and said, “You have come a long way Bella, you have filled my heart and cheered my soul. I will miss you dearly, but it is time you went home.” He smiled

“I...” my lips quivered. “Thank you...” I muttered softly. That was the only thing i could say, where in all honesty, i wanted to thank him for my new life. I wanted to let him know, he was the one who cheered my soul, who placed the smile on my face, who gave me wings. But thank you was all i could muster, and i guess that was enough for him.

When Mauryn came back from the toilet, i told her all about the box of candies. I thought she would ask if she could try one, to my surprise she smiled and said “you need that one box of reasons once in a while, I sure as hell had mine”

Whatever lessons Mauryn had learn in whatever way, I’m sure that was why she was who she was. I finally understood why it was easy to be around her, perhaps at a time she was once like me.

Mauryn suggested we move and continue destroying our liver, David bailed. Before he left, he asked me if i had time before my flight tomorrow to meet him, i had. So we arranged to meet in our place the next morning.

Mauryn took me to one of her places. A bar somewhere in a place where you would not think a bar would exist with name as funny as “Here” or “Not-Closed” or like this one called “Vices”. She has all these people she hangs out with who are either musicians, bar owners or just plain slackers trying to be artists. But they are a bunch of cool people to hang out with and I always feel good when I meet them. And like always, we bumped into one of her groups of friends at Vices.

We met James, Mauryn’s boy friend (or so i thought), but there was just awkward hi’s and we sat further away from where he was. Later on I saw that he was with another girl, and i was sure it was a date. I wanted to ask Mauryn about it, but it just didn’t feel right. Until she noticed i was giving James dirty looks.

“We broke up” Mauryn said

“When? You were still together last weekend.”

She laughed, “Trying to fix what was broken was more like it” she said.

“Why?”

“Sometimes, things just don’t work out... no matter how much you want it to work out. Even when you try as hard as you might, sometimes things just don’t go the way you want them to.” There was a slight sadness in her eyes.

“Are you okay? We can move somewhere else.” I offered

“No, I’m fine. We almost never know the reason but i have always believed, things are exactly the way they need to be.”

“I am always amazed how positive you can be, and always cheerful.”

“Let me let you in a secret, everything that happens, every incidence in our lives, they are like the two sides of a coin. They have a negative side, which we and most people give our attention to, and the positive side, which we tend to forget. But if you wake up every morning thinking ‘i will only see the positive of everything’ and you actually focus on the positive outcome of everything, then i tell you, life gets better and easier and lighter.”

“When did you become this wise?”

“When i met my ‘David’” she winked.

Chapter 28. Life Flavored

I tried to taste it, it wasn’t the sugary flavor anymore. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t sweet. 

It was a mixture of sweet, sour, a little spice and a little bitter. It was a pleasant taste. The new taste, similar to the old one but oddly different, was more preferable to me. It felt like it was just the perfect amount each taste. It was like a party on my taste buds, but just enough to enjoy it and love it.

 I smiled...

“It is life flavored” I said couldn’t hide my smile.

David’s face beamed and his smile grew wider, revealing his unhealthy teeth.

“It is life flavored.” He repeated and chuckled. I chuckled too and before we could stop ourselves, we broke down into fits of laughters.

27. It's Time

My meetings with David had always left me excited yet calmed. I smiled all the way back home while remembering his words and analyzing them as I always do.

After a quick shower, I went to the calling center and made a phone call home. That time I had the courage to talk to mom. Right after I hung up the phone I decided it was time for me to go home.

*     *     *

My sudden letter of resignation the next day surprised the school’s principal. But he also said that he knew it would have to come to that eventually. I suppose he dealt with travelers’ a lot.

I had two weeks to help find a replacement and to collect all my bits and pieces together. My flight home was booked for the day after my last day at school.

Two weeks and I’ll be home.

*       *      *

David took the news of me going home pretty well. In fact he was so glad he gave me a tight hug. He said it was time I see my family again.

He asked me if I was happy. I had no answer to that. I know deep inside that though nothing evident was changing in my day-to-day life, yet everything has changed.

I didn’t say what I was thinking out loud to David and yet as always he seemed to know what I was thinking.

He took out one candy with a peculiar color and gave it to me.

“Today, I choose for you.” He said.

The candy tasted sweet in my mouth. So sweet it was like sugar. It was too sweet and yet I didn’t want to throw it out, I like how the tasted filled my entire mouth and burst in my palate.

“Is this sugar flavored?” I asked David inquiringly while sucking on the candy.

“It’s life flavored.” He said simply. I gave him a confused look. “You’ll see.” He said.

He then changed the topic and asked me about my farewell preparation. He asked me if I was going to have a party before I leave. I told him it was probably not necessary, since there aren’t a lot of people I needed to say bye to. Perhaps I’ll just go out with Mauryn.

In between of our chat, I felt like there was a change in the taste of the candy, but I couldn’t put a finger on it so I ignored it. If there was really a change in the flavor, it was so subtle I couldn’t properly distinguish it. But somehow that taste, the new one that is similar to the old one but oddly different, was more preferable to me. It felt like it was just the perfect amount of sweetness and bitter and sour. It was like a party on my taste buds, but just enough to enjoy it and love it.

Just before the candy completely melted in my mouth David asked, “Tell me bella, what is the flavor of the candy?”

26. BalancFaith

“Who were they David?” I asked while savoring the chocolate taste of the candy.

“Who?”

“Henry and the brunette.”

“Aaahh the brunette is Alicia, Jillian’s sister and Henry is her son.”

I made a silent o.

“Alicia had always loved me, even after the arson, she forgave me and continue loving me as sister would to a brother.” David started to explain.

“A few years ago her husband was transferred here and they all moved here. It was a coincidence that not long after that I reached this same city and met Alicia on the street. It was a coincidence but it was necessary. For me and for Alicia.” David took a deep breath and looked at me.

“Remember bella, we discussed that the universe was created on a balance? And that everything and every moment has a part in that balance.”

I nodded.

“Well, Alicia was having a hard time adjusting and she found a familiar face and my soul was restless from what I had done but knowing that she forgave me calmed me down. We needed each other and the universe brought us together. Ain’t it great?” David smiled and looked up at the sky.

“Things that happens here, the miracles and the accidents, they always have a reason for it and that’s how this universe works. All we have to do is to have faith. All we need is a little faith.”

“Have you ever had an unsettling feeling about something, bella?” he asked. “Some incident in your life that you feel isn’t resolved yet? Something you wish you have the chance to have a closer about?”

I nodded silently. I was thinking about mom, how I left without saying bye. Then I thought about Daniel, how I wish I had the courage back then to fight for him, or the very least be honest to him, how much he had hurt me.

“You will get the time for a closure bella, you always do. But that time might come tomorrow or next year or in the next ten, you can never know. All you can do is be patient and be ready.”

25. Love All Serve All

“You know what impresses me the most about little Henry?” David asked. I shrugged.

“His innocence lead him to love everyone and everything equally, even those he had never met. In his head he rationally thought that nobody likes a candy that tastes like pepper so he took it upon himself to prevent the candy to be left behind or anyone to be discontent by the taste.”

“Yea, I saw that. He wanted the chocolate one but took the other two instead.” I said.

“Yes, yes… the other charm that boy has, he had an idea, a brilliant idea to enjoy the pepper flavored candy, with a soup flavored candy.” David laughed merrily.

“For every action there is a reaction, for every yes there is a no, for every light there is dark and for every spice there is soup.” David laughed some more, enjoying himself in the wittiness of the small boy.

“You see bella, he was not limited in ideas, and his joyful mind makes everything enjoyable. Everything is an experiment and every experiment is fun regardless the outcome. That’s how a child is and that’s how we should be.

“And how he selflessly thought about the candy and another person’s discontent and would not let that happen. How he cared for that other person who he probably would never meet and the candy that is believed to have no soul. We should all have a loving heart of a child.” David smiled.

“We all are loving children of the universe with brilliant minds and craves of new enlightenments.” He summed up. “Just like little Henry.”

I smiled and nodded. Silently I wish I was a kid again and be as free as they are.

“We all have the child in us bella, we just never listen to it anymore.” Once again I felt like David could read my mind. I looked at him inquiringly and he just smiled like always.

“And it’s never too late to be a child again… to let your soul free and live life with a child’s heart and an adult’s wisdom.” He added while opening the box in his hand.

“Here… choose your candy” he offered the color filled box.

“Does this one taste like chocolate?” I asked pointing on a light chocolate colored candy and raised my left eyebrow teasingly.

He laughed and nodded, “Yes my dear, it tastes like milk chocolate.”

“Then I’ll have this one for Henry.” I said and picked up the candy.

“To Henry…” David agreed.

Chapter 24. A Child

24

“How long have you been standing there, bella?” David asked when he saw me as he turned his head towards where I was standing.

“Not too long.” I said walking over to the bench and sat next to the old hobo.

“Were you listening to my conversation with little Henry?” he asked. I nodded, a little embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping.

“Little Henry, small at age but possess more wisdom than any adult I’ve met.” David said. “But then again, every kid is always wiser than the adults.”

“How is that possible? They are oblivious to the world.” I said.

“But their minds are open, not constructed yet, no barriers yet given from the society, schools, churches, parents and all other influences. So they are open to anything. Every thing is possible to them.

“Just imagine a kid who hasn’t been potty trained, he would do his business just about anywhere, because for him it doesn’t matter where he does it as long as he is let go of the waste. The world is a big potty-pot for him. But as he grows up and was thought that the toilet is where he is suppose to do his number twos and that it is socially humiliating to be seen naked, he starts to go to the toilet and close the door before he drop his pants and sit on the toilet seat. And just like that, the world isn’t a potty pot anymore.”

I laughed at his sentence.

“For a kid, there is no barrier, everything is possible. Even when he fails, he gets up n try it again. He is vigilant, but fear never stops his steps. That is until he was thought or exposed to what is supposedly the right reaction to failure. He learned from his surrounding that to be careful is to be fearful. He noticed that people cry and give up when they hit a little bump. He sees how failure is seen as a humiliation and was not allowed. And all the other norms that the society, religions, parents feed this kid. And so his little mind absorbed everything and he becomes more guided.”

“Are you saying that teaching the kids to be careful is wrong?”

“No bella, I did not say that. Don’t mistake being careful with being fearful. We always have to be careful, but society exposes us to fear and we tend to mix up fear with being careful.” He paused and took a deep breath.

“Sometimes we have to be that kid with no boundaries and a whole lot of inquiries. Did you hear how Henry was asking questions upon questions about that box of candy?”

I nodded. “Yes, he seems to be very curious.”

“Do the kids in your class ask you that many questions? Are they as curious about things as Henry was about the candies?”

“As a matter of fact, yes they do. But that’s what children do. They have limited idea about everything so they become curious and they find the need to find out.”

“Exactly… and are you as curious?”

I thought for a while. I did not even asked anything about those candies when I first saw them. I didn’t bother to. I thought I would eventually figure it out. I didn’t even asked David his name until the third time we met. I suddenly feel so silly.

David laughed, as though he could read my mind and was laughing at me. I feel my face flushed red. I got annoyed.

“I was curious, but I didn’t find the need to inquire cause it was obvious that they were candies and as I tasted a different one each time I take, I figured out that they have different tastes.” I said defending myself.

“Yet it never crossed your mind to ask what color has which flavor.” He mocked.

“It would have spoiled the fun.” I sulked.

“Yes, surprises are fun but sometimes some guidance would be helpful.” David smiled.

“Just like it is in life, it is no so different like climbing a mountain. When you plan to climb up a challenging mountain it would be more than helpful if you seek guidance from someone who has been to the top.

“You make and learn from your own mistakes, but you can always avoid your predecessor’s mistakes. Listen bella, to what they have to say. Listen to their stories. Listen carefully and you’ll be enlighten.” He said.