Even when you have been feeling great the whole week, even when you feel your life is good, sometimes you still wake up with a crappy feeling.
That morning I woke up feeling blue. I didn’t wanna wake up. Everything seemed wrong and I wish I could sleep all the time and never wake up. And for no good reason, the past came and clouded my mind.
I wondered if my choices were right, and why didn’t I try harder to get a better life. Did I wanna be here? Where do I wanna go next?
I thought about Daniel and how I felt for him, I liked what I felt and wondered if I could ever feel the same way again. What if I never do? What if I never meet anyone that would make me feel again? What if for the rest of my life nothing excites me again?
I realized these were the thoughts I had when I decided to end my life and my mind started to wonder what stopped me. That’s when David came to my mind. David and his box of candies, his fucked up life, and his cheerful laugh.
I thought about his story about his life and how after all he has been through, he could still wake up in the morning, after a long mourning period that is. Doesn’t the past come and haunt him at times? How does he get pass that?
Thoughts were clouding my brain and I seriously considered calling in sick and just stay in bed.
And the candies? A small conscience whispered. What about the candies?
Perhaps I’ll skip it today. I thought as a reply. It’s just a day, just one candy.
But then I thought about the colors in that box, the taste of every candy I had tasted so far and I started to wonder what other tastes were there? What other colors?
A smile curled up on my face as I could imagine David’s voice telling me, “Bella, just like you find a new taste, a new color every time you look into that box, you’ll always find something new everyday if only you give it a chance to show you.”
I jumped off the bed and got ready, I’m giving Tuesday a chance.
